What you in here for?

Ohhhhhhhhh my god, I swear I have told this story a million times already and I think I have. Anyway, here it goes. Yesterday, March 28th, 2006 at around 5pm I am sitting on my lazy ass watching some Quantum Leap on the Sci Fi channel, and chatting with my homegirl Kym. Outside of my window, I hear some scuffling and someone sounding like he in pain. I told Kym, "Oooooo fight! brb!" Now, I live on the second floor of my building so I can see them pretty well. I go to the window to see undercover cops handcuffing some guy on the ground. As I look around, there are more cops - 20 or more - some plain-clothes but most in uniform.

First of all, they picked him up by the cuffs which I know was murder. Then, as they walked him to the cruiser, they start wailing on him - about 5 cops holding him, kneeing him in the face, punching him, smacking him, and I noticed one cop hit him with a baton on the legs. I was just shocked that I am witnessing this from my bedroom window but I didn't say anything.. not yet. They're still walking him to the car and he's hung over barely standing on his own. The cop that held by the handcuffs swings his body so that his head hits the front-end of the cruiser. Then, they finally get him to the backseat and just before tossing him in, this cop - some dumpy fat ass who was already standing by the cruiser - peppersprays him in the face - for nothing. He was barely coherent after getting jumped by state-sanctioned thugs.

This guy is in the car now! There's a group at the end of the block that's getting louder. I can't really see who it is. The window is open but the screen is down and I had my small dresser in front of that window. It was difficult to lean over and see. All I can hear is them saying, "Stop hitting him like that!" A group of uniformed cops rush over to the crowd, followed by the plain-clothes cops as if they were looking for something or to arrest someone except the one cop who peppersprayed the kid in the first place. Next thing I see, the cop turns around and just splashes/soaks/drowns this guy in a steady 5-second stream of more pepperspray. Something inside me bubbled up and I yelled out of the window, "STOP THAT, STOP DOING THAT!" One other cop came back and yelled back at me, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" So, I yelled back, "Fuck you, you cunt. Stop doing that shit!" They both taunted me saying, "Why don't come down here and say that?" I said, "I am right here sayin it!" They shut up, so I shut up! I was content with leaving it there. That one little fat ass stopped abusing the guy.

Next thing I know, this little fat cop is pointing his chubby little finger at me from the passenger seat of the cruiser. So, I point right back at him! He got out and called for the rest of his thugs to come get me. So, I see them proceed around the building to the front. So, I get dressed because I was in a t-shirt and my underwear! I didn't want them runnin through the house stressing my father so I met them downstairs with my camera taking pictures. They snatched up my camera and handcuffed me! I was never even read my rights - mostly because they had nothing to charge me with in the first place.

Fast Forward to when I finally was able to read the police report.

The police report was FULL OF LIES including some extras that didn't even have anything to do with the charges. First of all, I was charged with "Inciting a Riot" and "Disorderly Conduct". Let's discuss these charges. How in the hell does someone incite a riot from their 2nd floor bedroom?? Secondly, WHAT DISORDERLY CONDUCT?

The cop said that when they were pulling up, I was hanging out of the window screaming, "FUCK THE POLICE." That lie was repeated about 10 times throughout the police report because according to the cop, I said it that many times. If you KNOW me you know I don't go on like that - not repeating the same line over and over. That's jut not my style. If I am gon cuss someone out, I will use a multitude of cuss words and on top of that I was conscious not to cuss first! I only cussed at the cops AFTER they cussed at me! Secondly, it's impossible for me to be hanging out my window, screaming fuck the police when I didn't see shit until AFTER they arrived.

The next lie was the cop tried to hint in the report saying that I hit him wit something. The judge specifically stayed on this phrase during arraignment, "nearly missed". Judge wanted to know what to think - did I hit the cop or did I miss the cop? Judge says, "I interpret this as he did hit the officer as opposed to "nearly hitting" in which it would mean that he missed the officer." Retarded prosecutor said, "Well yes your honor, you interpreted it properly!" My lawyer got to digging repeating what I told him earlier, "If I was cop and you hit me or tried to hit me with something, I would charge with assault or attempted assault." My lawyer agreed and brought that up to the judge. On top of that, how could I hit him when the screen was closed! My shit is ALWAYS CLOSED!

Anyway, prosecutor tried to get $500 bail. I guess he thought I was a bum or something as if I couldn't pull $500 with ease. My lawyer SAUCED ME UP LOVELY! He told the judge, "Your honor, I would like my client to be released on his own recognisance. [Mr Taurus] is college educated. This is his first arrest ever. I know his father very well. His father is an English professor." The judge just sort of looked up at me and saw me lookin right into his eyes - HELD HEAD HIGH, NO FEAR. He asked what did I do? I proceeded to tell him and then the "pimp smack" hit me! Court Officer says, "You don't talk to the judge, you talk to the lawyer." Honestly, I felt pimp smacked right there. LOL. But, I told my lawyer, I am a self-employed marketing consultant and run my own business.

Rewind to just after they arrested me (I am going to try to keep it short)

These little idiot cops drive the long way to the precinct with my cuffs EXTRA TIGHT. I was laughing the entire way! It hurt but I was laughin at them because I knew the deal. They seriously thought they had some clown from the street. They didn't know what they had in the back of the squad car.

Anyway, we get to the 48th precinct and see this guy wilding out in the big cell, spitting all over the cell. They put me in the smaller cell with some other guy. So, we get to the, "What you in here for?" conversation! So, the guy in the cell with me is named Ralph and they picked him up on some cruelty to animals charge. I was just taken aback by that. I chuckled and asked, "You shooting dogs wit BB guns or something? Nah, the dog wasn't even in his care at the time. He thought the dog was ok and he was going pick him up. Instead, they came to his job and ASPCA picked HIM up instead. Funny shit, THEY HAD DUDE ON CAMERA. So, you might see Ralph on Animal Planet or something.

Then I tell them what I was in for! The guy in the other cell who was spitting blood speaks up! Come to find out, the kid they beat up was the very same little guy wilding out when I walked in. His name is Clinton and he was caught up in some attempted robbery or armed robbery shit. All I know is dude is gettin "sent up top" and will be doing hard time. It was kind of hard for me at this point because I know dude is hardcore and he's only 18. He should do that time for what he did cuz he did do wrong. I asked myself, should I really speak up? What if the cops treatment of this kid ends up wit him gettin out and not gettin the help he needs? He could end up in an even worse shit hole! As I hear him explain what happened, he mentions they knocked his teeth out and swelled up eye and somehow messed up his left arm. So, I say to myself, I'm gon help this dude out. He might be hardcore and a tough case but you know what, he didn't deserve to get jumped like that, not after he was already in cuffs!

So, Ralph signs some papers and finally gets out. Old spanish dude comes in. Clinton disappears somewhere. Young woman comes in, me and the old spanish dude go to the bigger cell where Clinton was and she takes the small cell. Clinton comes back and he's in the cell with us just talking. Couple more kids come in but leave right out with tickets. It's like why even arrest them? Just give them tickets and send them on their way. So, now it's us three and we are all going to central booking on 161s street.

When we get there, I see this small ass room with all these dudes handcuffed just standing there hurting. Me personally, I am hurting more and more cuz now my wrists are softening, cutting from the cuffs, and swelling up. My shoulder which was already messed up was killing me. I'm sweating and salty sweat is gettin into my eye so I could hardly see. Anyway, the cop gave me some relief and allowed me to stretch a bit and wipe my eyes while I got my MUGSHOT! It's coming soon. I can't wait to get it! Then they take us to 49th precinct. But on the way, I had to get a cramp in my stomach. LOL. I was ok tho.

We got some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and I only ate one. As I explained to a friend (you know who you are lol), you kinda lose your appetite smelling shit and piss and being around a bunch of grimy dudes. I just drank liquids. They gave us a cheese sandwich wit NOTHING on it - just cheese. I am not trying to shit bricks. I figure everything is going to be ok. I got a cell to myself. Let me just lay out and go to sleep. NO LUCK! More people come in. I get a cell mate! More people come in, I get another cell mate. Young dude who came in last hit the floor. Now, old dudes don't give a fuck what you did but they happy to answer and comment. OG was in for possession and sales. Young dude was in for warrants. Anyway, OG laid down and my ass tried to play like I was at a superbowl party tryin to sleep sittin up! That bench gave NO comfort. Me and OG were switchin back and forth. He would sit up and sleep and then I would lay down.

Anyway, morning time comes. BREAKFAST TIME! Ok, let me see if I can at least try to eat something because I know I would catch a mean headache if I don't eat. Officer said we got butter rolls and orange juice. BUTTER ROLLS? Are you serious? A butter roll is bread roll with butter in it. Usually it's a lot of butter. These dudes spread a little bit of butter in the middle. The orange juice was like a little 4oz cup they serve in kindergarten and shit. I drank my juice, put down that bread shit. WTF I look like eating a bread roll. I know some people don't even get that much in some places but damn it, I figure I am gettin out, I will live. I've gone 2 days without eating ANYTHING, nor drinking any fluids before. It hasn't even been 24 hours yet. OG had like 3 of them shits - orange juice and bread!

So, it's time to go back to central booking. We all pile into a "milk wagon." Now there's some funny shit happening. It's weird. We got locked to the same chain - bout 10-12 to a chain. There was bout four chains, one half empty and we all fit into the wagon with people standing up. We were some of the most coordinated fellas I've ever seen. Most of the guys there weren't first timers. So dude in the lead was real organized and lead the chain. I was somewhat taken aback by this guys leadership skills cuz we moved VERY smoothly. So we're all in now and I get a seat.

These dudes want to smoke a cigarette real bad. Some have half smoked cigs, some have strikers, but NO ONE has any matches. The striker is the strip on the back that you strike the match on to get it lit. Anyway someone sees matches tucked into the metal grill of the light above us. These guys are trying their hardest to help get these matches. Their fingers couldn't get a grip on the matches. So one dude offered his belt - the piece of the buckle that goes through the hole.

Wagon was moving too much and we were concerned he would lose his fingers. So, you had three hands holding this guy steady while he tries to get the matches. I really respected the teamwork here. I don't smoke cigarettes but I like what's going on here! It was funny but it was serious. There's nothing to do in back of that wagon. These guys came together for one goal - smoke a cigarette. Dude that offered his belt ended up getting the matches cuz his fingers were thin enough.

So, we get to central booking just in time for the judges to go on a 2 hour break and they wouldn't be back til 2:30. Oh well we hang out, talk shit, get to the "What you in here for?" conversations and find out about other people. Then we get to moving finally around 3pm. They're moving us downstairs instead of upstairs. That means that it's small shit they can get rid of fast as possible. I figure it's a good thing if they move me here. People havin their cases suspended or thrown out.

But, once again they figured I was dumb. Everyone gets interviewed before they go to the judge. Interviewer tried to get me to cop to the lesser charge of Disorderly Conduct and they would toss out the charge of Inciting a Riot. I had cut him off loooong before he even mentioned me takin the lesser charge because I already knew he would try to give me a deal - a bullshit deal at that. I told the interviewer, "I want the charges dropped and my entire record expunged from the system." He asked me if I understood what I said. I'm thinking to myself, "I said it. I know what I said. I didn't pull it out my ass." So, some more waiting occurred and then they called about six of us to go stand in line. When it was my turn to go in, they sent me out quickly because "He got private counsel." DAMN STRAIGHT!

Finally, my lawyer came downstairs because he was expecting me to come upstairs and you know what happen when the lawyer came.

After seeing the judge...

The lawyer and I talk for a few minutes while we wait for my father and brother to come down to take me home. He's telling me that this case can go places because of what you've seen. I'm a witness in a police brutality case. There's a good chance for this to go on for quite a while. He said he might try to get me an interview wit the District Attorney and it would mean alot because I do speak well, clearly, and I am waving my right to silence. I have nothing to do with the case, win or lose. I have nothing to gain or lose.

After getting home...

I had to flex my newly minted thug muscles around and make some good jokes and stuff. I breathed my underarm funk on my brother, called it Prison Potpourri. My father told me that my mother was coming. I didn't understand she was already in NYC comin from the airport. When she came thru, I was on the phone for hours calling family members to let me know I was ok!

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I am officially against "reggaeton"...

Ok people, let's get our heads out of the clouds on this reggaeton phenomenon. I am going take it back to when I first heard about "reggaeton" when it was referred to as "Spanish Reggae." I was back in high school and my boy Rob, a Dominican cat with a mean jump shot, was telling me about Spanish reggae. He was down with some guys and it's going to blow up. He offered to actually bring me in on it. He also gave me an open invite to join the Latin Kings.

But, I am not the type to go all crazy about joining anyone else's movement, gang, group, cause, etc etc etc. I am more about leading my own causes. If I believe in your cause, I'll lend you a hand.

Anyway, this was back in like 1995. Spanish reggae, at the time, was simply Spanish lyrics over a reggae beat. Who the hell knows how long that's really been going on. I am sure someone decided to speak Spanish over a reggae beat long before someone else thought it was their idea.

But, today, reggaeton is some sort of explosion or something. I guess I missed out! It's as if this is a new thing and something special. I am sorry to say, reggaeton bears little resemblance to the stuff I was hearing back in HS. People don't even recognize that today, reggaeton isn't even Spanish over a reggae beat anymore. This is because most people haven't heard the real stuff yet so they don't even know what they're hearing and gett confused.

Spanish Reggae is not reggaeton.

Reggaeton is fake, corporate packaged bullshit fronted by some Hispanic folks who were too hungry to stay true to the art form. Spanish Reggae, today, consists of Spanish lyrics over a heavy Hispanic-influenced Reggae beat. It's very distinct and you can tell the difference between Spanish Reggae vs original Reggae.

Spanish Reggae is NOT an up-tempo Hip Hop beat sprinkled with some spanish people. In other words, reggaeton is nothing more than Spanish over a Hip Hop or R&B sound. That's Hip Hop, translated. Nothing more, nothing less, NOTHING NEW.

Another thing that sort of bothers me is this rift that's developing between Hispanics and blacks over this bullshit music. I would hope both groups take my advice on this issue and stop acting like a bunch of damn fools.

Spanish people need to quit acting as if the bullshit played on the radio or in the clubs is real Spanish Reggae. Or rather, Hispanic folks need to stop equating reggaeton with real Spanish Reggae. This confuses people. You need to deny that fake shit that you hear and pop off with the real shit. Don't give it credit when it discredits the real thing.

And, Black people need to open their minds up to new things. Hip Hop culture is great but it doesn't mean it's the only music you should be hearing. Do more than listen to what they feed you on the radio.

BTW. Spanish Reggae didn't really catch on. I guess I didn't miss out.

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I am coming out of the closet...

Yes everyone, I have decided that it is time that I came out of the closet myself. It seems so many people are coming out of the closet that I might as well come out as well!

I AM A HETEROSEXUAL MAN

There it goes! I have finally outted myself. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my chest! I feel so free right now. I want to just run the streets kissing all the women I can find! I am man! Hear me roar!

With that, I would like all the women in the world to know that...

I would do you all in a heart beat!

Well almost all..

Heterosexual brethren.. it's ok to be STRAIGHT

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I Love My West Indian People

Here, I sit up in the bed, again. Another sleepless, insomniac night where I can't sleep. I am actually tired of playing my games now. I swear I can only get so much of that and after a while I need to just put it down for a week or two. There's never anything on tv at night beyond crappy b-movies or some soft porn.

Soft porn is about as useful as phone sex. Then you've got your paid programming. Paid programming just isn't the same without the George Foreman Grill and the other guy that says, "Set it and forget it." Even the Oxy-clean guy got boring. See, from that, you can tell I have a lot of insomniac nights. Anyway, I need something different to do on these nights that I can't sleep. The problem is that since there are so many of these nights, I am running out of things to stay occupied.

Since I can't find anything "new" to occupy my nights, I decide to find something old. Yahoo! Chat. HAHAHAHA. I haven't been in a Yahoo! Chat room in literally 2 years. The first chat room on my mind is the Afro-Caribbean rooms which is why I save them for last. So, I check out the NY chat room. First thing I see is a buncha different languages and then someone say, "I WANT A BIG HARD COCK.. I AM MAN.. I AM GAY."

So I run out of there and head on over to the "Cultures and Communities" section of the chatroom listings. I decide to check out Black Chat. It was ok, but pretty slow. Next move, is the African-American Chat. Yes, they have a Black Chat aside from African-American Chat. Don't ask me why! So, I hear Arabic being spoken and I am wondering what's going on. I accidentally clicked on the Arab-American Chat. They aren't speakin english so I can't spy. And, I probably wouldn't tell anyway. Time to go. I look over the chat room listings and I see Hispanic and Latinos. Shit! I should check up on my Hispanic folk. They were actually speaking english in there so that was a surprise but it was like the Black Chat - slow and boring.

So, I finally get to African American Chat. Someone came in there looking for white women. You would think it's odd that someone would be lookin for a white woman in an African American chat room. Don't be surprised. White women love the "chocolate bars". Black women aren't any different because they'd be in the white chat rooms too. That's where I go when I want to talk to Black women. I have to pose as white guy.

HAHA. I guess it's a fair trade off. Whatever! Another topic, another time! HAHA.

From what I remember, there are a few events that take place in the normal day of chatting in an "AA" chat room. There's usually some white supremacist using racial slurs, an argument in which everyone is arguing, maybe a trivia game, or the rare and endangered "serious conversation". None of that was going on so I set an argument in motion by asking, "Why do fat women call themselves thick?" Then I just watched. I know it's evil of me! But, hey, insomnia is a hell of a drug and I am inebriated with boredom.

Now, it's time to get to the rooms that NEVER let me down: the Afro-Caribbean chat rooms. Much like the African American chat rooms, there are either arguments or serious conversations that turn into arguments. One difference is that it's never quiet and there is ALWAYS "music appreciation hour" which goes on for hours and hours and hours. Another major difference is the language or dialect. If you don't have any background in listening to West Indian people speak, don't try to understand them. Get a translator or stay out. But, if you do understand, the things my people say will have you laughing your ass right off. Seriously, you will be laughing and your ass will fall right off!

So today's topic happens to be the fine art of cunnilingus! Y'all know I am an expert and if you don't know, better read that blog! But, their conversation is a bit different. One man was defending his reasoning for NOT performing oral favors for the woman citing his concerns with the "nastiness of a woman". Some issues that were brought up were old - menstruation (bleeding), urination (pee), and smell issues (smell issues). But, one, possibly not that new, but different nonetheless, was the man's explanation of how women has sex with one man, that man "shoot up inside dem so and she bring deh nastiness home for she man to eat up all deh sperm and disease." That caught me off guard.

That really messes you up mentally when you think about it. But, and I believe, cunnilingus is a faith based activity anyway; so no regrets. Then they descended into calling each other "battiboys" or "batty boys" which is another name for homosexuals. Then the music requests started and has been goin on for the pass 3-4 hours now.

I am still here enjoying my insomniac night turned morning turned afternoon listening to reggae tunes.

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I was Born in the Wrong Decade

I should have been in 1959 instead of 1979. That way I could have at least grown up in the 60s and 70s, relish in the 80s and enjoyed the 90s. So many reasons why I think this. Wanna hear it, here it go:

Music
Music today for the most part sucks red baboon ass. Hip Hop is steadily going down the tubes. Actually Hip Hop has been down the tubes for some time. The best pop star we have is Britney Spears. There isn't one viable R&B act out there at all. Rock & Roll is either too old or dead. Where are the good stories in country? Jazz isn't even jazzy anymore. Blues are somewhere with Rock & Roll. Back then you had the real music. R&B made you feel things soon as it came on. Hip Hop had you thinkin and movin ya feet. Micheal Jackson was the pop star and he was still black; he even had a jheri curl. What else is there to say?

People
Men were still men back in the day. Today we have these sissies running around getting their hair and nails done, going to spas, and getting the crack of their ass waxed. They even changed the Brawny man! Whatever happen to the Chuck Norris lumberjack guy? Now they got some sissy with too-tight jeans caressing a tabletop! SOMEONE STOP THE INSANITY! It's ok if you have to keep up your appearances if you're a male model or something. But, there are regular normal guys out there gettin all prissy. It don't make sense. Go get your damn hair CUT at the BARBERSHOP and clip your fuckin nails like the rest of us - NO POLISH!

Women just get on my nerves nowadays. Feminist movement destroyed chivalry. I can't even open the door for a woman anymore. I offer my hand to help a woman out of a car and they say, "No, I don't need you!" I know you don't need me. I AM OFFERING MY HELP! If your behind isn't out of the car by the time I get around to the other side, ACCEPT MY OFFER! Or at least, can you appreciate something, you bitch!? Damn, your attitudes suck these days!

I've come to the conclusion that "God" stopped making good women decades ago. The "Good Woman" series has been discontinued. I don't mind it so much but someone needs to recall all "Bitch" series of women because the programs are written poorly, they crash too often, and are in need of serious debugging.

Thank you! Please come again!

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