Oh so that's why Apple sucks..

Hormonal Imbalances

It seems Steve Jobs has some kind of hormonal imbalance.

"My doctors think they have found the cause -- a hormone imbalance that has been 'robbing' me of the proteins my body needs to be healthy," Jobs said.
[link | link | link]

If you don't understand how that can affect you, I'll use my ex-girlfriend as the perfect example of someone with a hormonal imbalance. See, in the year of our Lord 2001, I think, this chucklehead decided that she would break up with me three times in a seven-day period. I left that heffa alone.. like.. "GO AWAY CRAZY!" She'd be angry one minute and cool the next. I am a young guy used to stable mental states in other people so I didn't know what was going on. I had to be like Mobb Deep when they were good, pre-50, and Get Away even when she was cursing me out over the phone because I wouldn't get back with her a fourth time.

A year later, we reconnect and she told me why she was acting all Disney's Goofy on me. Something went wrong with her lady parts causing that hormonal imbalance. Basically, her brain chemistry went all haywire and she ended up buggin' out (on me) like Yosemite Sam on a meth trip.

It all makes sense

Now, I can understand why Apple sucks. Steve Jobs has gone Looney Toons. Sure, the Mac, iPod, and iPhone look nice and cute but they're toys. Don't get me wrong. Those toys don't do much very well. I'll give them that. But, they rely on what I call "couture" pricing. Basically, that's taking shitty subpar items, then slapping a cute brand name on them, and finally jacking up the price to the point that people can feel they're exclusive, or special, when they purchase their cute, well known brand name piece of shit.

It's like Nike sneakers. We all know they're made by pre-pubescent Taiwanese girls and boys in sweatshops for $3 a shoe, $2.95 for the raw materials. Then, they ship those sneakers to the US, advertise them on TV and sell them for $150. It's the same thing with Apple's gimmick toys.

The Mac

Imagine the only thing a Mac is known for is running graphic software. And, it can run Microsoft's Office and Windows, go figure. Oh yeah, supposedly, it's virus-free. That's the biggest joke of all. The only reason Macs don't get viruses is because no one really uses them. Think about it. If you were a hacker and you wanted to write malicious code that will affect millions of people, do you target Macs or PCs? The answer to the question has been obvious for years. If Macs were so virus-free, why would McAfee and Symantec create antivirus programs for the Mac OS? Virus-free my ass.

iCrap

Then, you've got the iPod. Questi0n: How in the hell did Apple actually set the standard LOWER than what was available on the market? Back in the day, I had an iRiver H120 [CNET Review | Specs]. Of course it's an mp3 player, therefore it had the ability to play mp3s. But, why was it the best thing on the market at that time?

• FM radio - in case you actually want to hear something else
• Drag and Drop ability - so you're NOT enslaved to some iTunes-like program
• Inline remote control w/screen - so i don't have to be bothered with pulling out the whole device
• Optical/Audio input/output - so you can hook it up to your top of the line sound system
• Built-in Microphone - so you can record straight to the device
• Audio format support - so you can play more than just mp3s
  
• Accessories - leather case, earphones, external microphone (which I still use), and other stuff

What did the iPod offer back then? None of what that iRiver offered in any way, shape or form. Although, the H120 was a brick, that was the best thing about it. You could kick that thing against a brick wall and it'd be cool. I dare anyone to try that with their iPod. In fact, I witnessed an iPod fall 18 inches and saw it's face crack like an egg. Seriously, people coveting the iPod is like a potential Bentley Continental GT owner opting for a similarly priced green and orange plastic big wheel. Then you have to buy $200 in accessories just to get it up to par. It's just a sad, pitiful device.

iBullshit

And the iPhone. The best thing about the iPhone is its multitouch technology, developed by another company. But, what is the iPhone really? It's a cross between the medocrity of an iPod, shitty cellular reception, and a gimmick: multitouch. Ask yourself, what exactly do you get out of multitouch that's so special?

*listening to the answers*

Come on. Is that it? So, basically, you've got an iPod you can barely talk on because it can't hold the reception every other phone gets.

iConclude: Apple sucks...

...because Steve Jobs is going through menopause.