ILLEGAL IMMIGRATS INVADE SOUTH FLORIDA

"A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired."



ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS INVADE SOUTH FLORIDA

Florida, especially South Florida, seems to be having an influx of squirrels, many are thought to be illegal immigrants flocking in from the north.

In one small south Florida town I visited, I counted five houses of worship:

A Presbyterian Church,

A Baptist Church,

A Methodist Church,

A Catholic Church and

A Jewish Synagogue.

Each of the churches and the Synagogue were overrun by these pesky squirrels, many of which have become permanent squatters in the establishments.


It got so bad that one day, the Presbyterians called an emergency meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. But after much debate and prayer, the congregation decided that the squirrels were pre-destined to be in the church and they should not interfere with God's Divine Will.




Over at the Baptist Church, the brazen squirrels even took over the baptistery, using it as their private swimming pool. This state of affairs caused the minister to call a meeting of the Deacons who decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it.

Somehow, the squirrels managed to escape and the following week, there were three times as many holding a pool party.

The Methodists tried a different tactic. They didn't want to harm any of God's creatures, so the hired a professional who humanely trapped the little buggers and drove them 25 miles outside of town and set them free. Three days later, they were all back again, this time with their friends and relatives.

The Catholics were in a real frenzy, what with squirrels swinging from the chandeliers, swiping coins out of the collection basket, etc. Finally the parish priest met with the church council and their local bishop. After the meeting the bishop presented the problem, along with the parish's proposed solution to the Vatican officials who gave their blessing for the priest to go ahead with the plan which turned out to be a very effective solution. They baptized each squirrel and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Rabbi over at the Jewish Synagogue, but I have it from a good authority that they took one of the squirrels, called in the Moyle and held a short service called a "Bris" - (Circumcision), and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.




For those of you who have never seen one, here is a rare photograph of a South Florida Squirrel.