I am officially against "reggaeton"...

Ok people, let's get our heads out of the clouds on this reggaeton phenomenon. I am going take it back to when I first heard about "reggaeton" when it was referred to as "Spanish Reggae." I was back in high school and my boy Rob, a Dominican cat with a mean jump shot, was telling me about Spanish reggae. He was down with some guys and it's going to blow up. He offered to actually bring me in on it. He also gave me an open invite to join the Latin Kings.

But, I am not the type to go all crazy about joining anyone else's movement, gang, group, cause, etc etc etc. I am more about leading my own causes. If I believe in your cause, I'll lend you a hand.

Anyway, this was back in like 1995. Spanish reggae, at the time, was simply Spanish lyrics over a reggae beat. Who the hell knows how long that's really been going on. I am sure someone decided to speak Spanish over a reggae beat long before someone else thought it was their idea.

But, today, reggaeton is some sort of explosion or something. I guess I missed out! It's as if this is a new thing and something special. I am sorry to say, reggaeton bears little resemblance to the stuff I was hearing back in HS. People don't even recognize that today, reggaeton isn't even Spanish over a reggae beat anymore. This is because most people haven't heard the real stuff yet so they don't even know what they're hearing and gett confused.

Spanish Reggae is not reggaeton.

Reggaeton is fake, corporate packaged bullshit fronted by some Hispanic folks who were too hungry to stay true to the art form. Spanish Reggae, today, consists of Spanish lyrics over a heavy Hispanic-influenced Reggae beat. It's very distinct and you can tell the difference between Spanish Reggae vs original Reggae.

Spanish Reggae is NOT an up-tempo Hip Hop beat sprinkled with some spanish people. In other words, reggaeton is nothing more than Spanish over a Hip Hop or R&B sound. That's Hip Hop, translated. Nothing more, nothing less, NOTHING NEW.

Another thing that sort of bothers me is this rift that's developing between Hispanics and blacks over this bullshit music. I would hope both groups take my advice on this issue and stop acting like a bunch of damn fools.

Spanish people need to quit acting as if the bullshit played on the radio or in the clubs is real Spanish Reggae. Or rather, Hispanic folks need to stop equating reggaeton with real Spanish Reggae. This confuses people. You need to deny that fake shit that you hear and pop off with the real shit. Don't give it credit when it discredits the real thing.

And, Black people need to open their minds up to new things. Hip Hop culture is great but it doesn't mean it's the only music you should be hearing. Do more than listen to what they feed you on the radio.

BTW. Spanish Reggae didn't really catch on. I guess I didn't miss out.

I am coming out of the closet...

Yes everyone, I have decided that it is time that I came out of the closet myself. It seems so many people are coming out of the closet that I might as well come out as well!

I AM A HETEROSEXUAL MAN

There it goes! I have finally outted myself. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my chest! I feel so free right now. I want to just run the streets kissing all the women I can find! I am man! Hear me roar!

With that, I would like all the women in the world to know that...

I would do you all in a heart beat!

Well almost all..

Heterosexual brethren.. it's ok to be STRAIGHT

I Love My West Indian People

Here, I sit up in the bed, again. Another sleepless, insomniac night where I can't sleep. I am actually tired of playing my games now. I swear I can only get so much of that and after a while I need to just put it down for a week or two. There's never anything on tv at night beyond crappy b-movies or some soft porn.

Soft porn is about as useful as phone sex. Then you've got your paid programming. Paid programming just isn't the same without the George Foreman Grill and the other guy that says, "Set it and forget it." Even the Oxy-clean guy got boring. See, from that, you can tell I have a lot of insomniac nights. Anyway, I need something different to do on these nights that I can't sleep. The problem is that since there are so many of these nights, I am running out of things to stay occupied.

Since I can't find anything "new" to occupy my nights, I decide to find something old. Yahoo! Chat. HAHAHAHA. I haven't been in a Yahoo! Chat room in literally 2 years. The first chat room on my mind is the Afro-Caribbean rooms which is why I save them for last. So, I check out the NY chat room. First thing I see is a buncha different languages and then someone say, "I WANT A BIG HARD COCK.. I AM MAN.. I AM GAY."

So I run out of there and head on over to the "Cultures and Communities" section of the chatroom listings. I decide to check out Black Chat. It was ok, but pretty slow. Next move, is the African-American Chat. Yes, they have a Black Chat aside from African-American Chat. Don't ask me why! So, I hear Arabic being spoken and I am wondering what's going on. I accidentally clicked on the Arab-American Chat. They aren't speakin english so I can't spy. And, I probably wouldn't tell anyway. Time to go. I look over the chat room listings and I see Hispanic and Latinos. Shit! I should check up on my Hispanic folk. They were actually speaking english in there so that was a surprise but it was like the Black Chat - slow and boring.

So, I finally get to African American Chat. Someone came in there looking for white women. You would think it's odd that someone would be lookin for a white woman in an African American chat room. Don't be surprised. White women love the "chocolate bars". Black women aren't any different because they'd be in the white chat rooms too. That's where I go when I want to talk to Black women. I have to pose as white guy.

HAHA. I guess it's a fair trade off. Whatever! Another topic, another time! HAHA.

From what I remember, there are a few events that take place in the normal day of chatting in an "AA" chat room. There's usually some white supremacist using racial slurs, an argument in which everyone is arguing, maybe a trivia game, or the rare and endangered "serious conversation". None of that was going on so I set an argument in motion by asking, "Why do fat women call themselves thick?" Then I just watched. I know it's evil of me! But, hey, insomnia is a hell of a drug and I am inebriated with boredom.

Now, it's time to get to the rooms that NEVER let me down: the Afro-Caribbean chat rooms. Much like the African American chat rooms, there are either arguments or serious conversations that turn into arguments. One difference is that it's never quiet and there is ALWAYS "music appreciation hour" which goes on for hours and hours and hours. Another major difference is the language or dialect. If you don't have any background in listening to West Indian people speak, don't try to understand them. Get a translator or stay out. But, if you do understand, the things my people say will have you laughing your ass right off. Seriously, you will be laughing and your ass will fall right off!

So today's topic happens to be the fine art of cunnilingus! Y'all know I am an expert and if you don't know, better read that blog! But, their conversation is a bit different. One man was defending his reasoning for NOT performing oral favors for the woman citing his concerns with the "nastiness of a woman". Some issues that were brought up were old - menstruation (bleeding), urination (pee), and smell issues (smell issues). But, one, possibly not that new, but different nonetheless, was the man's explanation of how women has sex with one man, that man "shoot up inside dem so and she bring deh nastiness home for she man to eat up all deh sperm and disease." That caught me off guard.

That really messes you up mentally when you think about it. But, and I believe, cunnilingus is a faith based activity anyway; so no regrets. Then they descended into calling each other "battiboys" or "batty boys" which is another name for homosexuals. Then the music requests started and has been goin on for the pass 3-4 hours now.

I am still here enjoying my insomniac night turned morning turned afternoon listening to reggae tunes.

I was Born in the Wrong Decade

I should have been in 1959 instead of 1979. That way I could have at least grown up in the 60s and 70s, relish in the 80s and enjoyed the 90s. So many reasons why I think this. Wanna hear it, here it go:

Music
Music today for the most part sucks red baboon ass. Hip Hop is steadily going down the tubes. Actually Hip Hop has been down the tubes for some time. The best pop star we have is Britney Spears. There isn't one viable R&B act out there at all. Rock & Roll is either too old or dead. Where are the good stories in country? Jazz isn't even jazzy anymore. Blues are somewhere with Rock & Roll. Back then you had the real music. R&B made you feel things soon as it came on. Hip Hop had you thinkin and movin ya feet. Micheal Jackson was the pop star and he was still black; he even had a jheri curl. What else is there to say?

People
Men were still men back in the day. Today we have these sissies running around getting their hair and nails done, going to spas, and getting the crack of their ass waxed. They even changed the Brawny man! Whatever happen to the Chuck Norris lumberjack guy? Now they got some sissy with too-tight jeans caressing a tabletop! SOMEONE STOP THE INSANITY! It's ok if you have to keep up your appearances if you're a male model or something. But, there are regular normal guys out there gettin all prissy. It don't make sense. Go get your damn hair CUT at the BARBERSHOP and clip your fuckin nails like the rest of us - NO POLISH!

Women just get on my nerves nowadays. Feminist movement destroyed chivalry. I can't even open the door for a woman anymore. I offer my hand to help a woman out of a car and they say, "No, I don't need you!" I know you don't need me. I AM OFFERING MY HELP! If your behind isn't out of the car by the time I get around to the other side, ACCEPT MY OFFER! Or at least, can you appreciate something, you bitch!? Damn, your attitudes suck these days!

I've come to the conclusion that "God" stopped making good women decades ago. The "Good Woman" series has been discontinued. I don't mind it so much but someone needs to recall all "Bitch" series of women because the programs are written poorly, they crash too often, and are in need of serious debugging.

Thank you! Please come again!